Friday, June 24, 2011
One Year Ago Today
One year ago today life, as I knew it, changed forever. My precious mother died a horrible death at the hands of the surgeon who botched her surgery and the nurses who overdosed her on morphine, not once, but twice. She eventually died from the pneumonia that was caused when they realized their mistake and flushed her so rapidly that her lungs were filled with fluid. It still stings to know that she should not have died from a case of diverticulitis.
My mother was the glue that held our diverse, dispersed and somewhat dysfunctional family together. After her death a lot of things changed. People changed, relationships changed...things happened that I never thought I would see in my own family. Family hurting family... it just should not be that way.
Something happens deep inside when the people you love the most cause so much pain and heartache, especially when you are already dealing with great loss and horrible tragedy. Basic trust in mankind is greatly damaged and you have to work really hard to trust people again, to heal emotionally and not become bitter.
It has been a difficult year of hard work trying to heal those deep wounds. I have read a lot, prayed often, and listened to probably a hundred sermons on trials and forgiveness. I've made a lot of progress, but I'm not completely there yet. It is a continual work.
Progress has also been made in some of the damaged relationships but things will never be the same. Some relationships will probably never be restored, I have grieved those losses and have come to terms with that. Some things are simply out of my hands.
I struggle at times with being transparent and real, especially about things of such a sensitive nature. The last thing I want is to stir things up and create more trouble, but this has been the reality of my life this past year. God has been so faithful to me during this very dark year of pain and heartache. I have been amazed at the times that God has allowed me to stumble upon the very thing I needed to hear. He has been a healing balm for my soul. I can't imagine going through the pain of this life without my faith in God and hope of eternal life in heaven.Of seeing my mom again and having real restoration and healing once and for all. Oh, glorious day!